Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
