I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
