Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
