We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize