Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
