Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
