What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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