apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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