remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
