physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
