either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
