Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
