I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
