sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
