the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize