I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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