it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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