She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
