I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
