if i can run in heels then i can drive
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Drake has all the answers
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
