I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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