dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
