You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
