Say something about gay babies.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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