It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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