I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
