I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
