Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
