ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
