so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
