we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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