Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
