I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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