Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
