3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
