YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize