Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
