Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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