The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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