I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize