fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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