i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
