Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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