Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
