You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
