some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
