I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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