I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
