i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
