just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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