Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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