I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize