Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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