Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I want a musical about memes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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