i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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