News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
