If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
