Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
