i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
