i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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