Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
