Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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