Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
