I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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