Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize